The [Ash]tronaut Chronicles --Extended

Sketch

2010-09-04T10:36:00.000-05:00

My sis inspired me to begin posting my sketches up...check her out @ http://www.sketchbookjunkie.com

04.16.2010

2010-04-16T10:49:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been having to tell everyone that they'd be be ok. Shit, who's gonna tell me?

2010-03-24T21:26:00.001-05:00

I'm starting to heal...

#0607

2010-03-21T18:07:00.002-05:00

Don't make me waste my time.

Say It's Possible

2010-03-16T20:34:00.000-05:00

[untitled] mo betta

2010-03-14T21:55:00.005-05:00

I would be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about the way you felt from the moment I saw you. I mean I wondered about what would happen if I leaned in and gently placed my lips upon yours...If you would feel it there, if my gentle kisses would make your clit throb incessantly. What would happen if I wrapped my arms around your neck and whispered how bad I wanted you in your ear.

Can you make me feel safe there? I fantasize about being inside you, moving to the syncopated rhythms that our bodies will create...baby, we don't need music your moans are music enough. I can imagine them making me wetter than I will already be. I just want to make you feel, awaken emotions in you that you forgot you possessed. Stimulate you mentally while pleasing you physically. Sort of like when Common begged Mary to "Come Close" to him...I want you close to me...I wonder what you smell like, what scent will linger after you go away from me...I've had daydreams about waking up tangled in your arms. Can you make it betta? [To Be Continued]

If [You] Forget Me -- Pablo Neruda

2010-03-12T19:10:00.000-06:00

If You Forget Me
I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

Come Back

2010-03-12T18:47:00.002-06:00

No, I don't really want you to come back but, I'd like an explanation.

Now I know

2010-03-12T01:54:00.001-06:00

You always said, "never trust a writer..." those were your words & I constantly overlooked them. I tried to look within you to a place deeper...what is left is a shell of a person, who is so manipulative & heartless. I believe at one point you loved me, I honestly believe that you STILL love me but, you wanted convenience & that's all she is to you. Something you have been holding onto forever, something that is sturdy. I don't understand how I could fall into this trap, you created this world that I wanted to live in. You painted the trees, the sky, and you explained every detail to me, it was to the point where I could taste it on my tongue. You have cut me deeper than anyone I have ever been with. You begged me to be 100% open and vulnerable with you and when I did, you abuse the privelege? What did I do to deserve this? I mean I am a good person, I am always positive, I try to remain focused on all good things in my life, I thought you were one of them. They say all things happen for a reason, I'm holding on to that because tonight, I don't know what your reason for coming into my life was.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Today

2010-03-03T19:03:00.002-06:00

I can't contain my tears, they are overflowing and I have a rush of emotions [fuck you PMS]. I don't know how I got here but, I do know that today, for sure I need you. It seems like everybody is against me, and it's overwhelming. I just need a chance, just one shot. I can't breathe I feel as if I'm sinking, and the only thing that people can see is one arm raised from the quicksand.

[I've] been

2010-02-28T20:18:00.000-06:00

the pages in her diary thus far.

2010-02-27T17:41:00.002-06:00

"Love is lak de sea. It's uh movin' thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from de shore it meets, and it's different with every shore."
— Zora Neale Hurston

you go to my [head]

2010-02-27T15:39:00.003-06:00

2010-02-27T14:50:00.000-06:00

"You will receive love only to your ability to be vulnerable enough to let it in. Love between two people is a fearless state of being where who you are and who they are is given and received without fear of engulfment or abandon. The underlying belief of this state is complete trust regardless of outcome."

- Mastin Kipp

I used to...

2010-02-26T23:15:00.004-06:00

write all the time but, lately I can't seem to find the words. Or place them in a manner that is aesthetically pleasing, if that can be used to describe good reading. I guess I've hopped off the block that writer's usually get stuck on. (Even though I don't really consider myself a REAL writer. ) My thoughts run together, nothing is making sense. I tend to ramble but, bear with me. I'm getting better. I just want to be C L O S E; today was hard.

I'm Back?

2010-02-23T19:42:00.003-06:00

Shit, I haven't written here in forever well, since last Summer.
[Same thing right?]
I usually retreat here when I am tired of the world and Twitter, and Tumblr. Something I know not many people frequent. Hell, I don't care if anyone ever reads this blog, at least I know I got it out. Out of me and into the universe, no longer inside me eating me up. Right now I feel alone because no one but me can understand my situation. No one can understand what I am doing, I am waiting, learning patience because I can't see myself being anywhere else. God give me strength.

An Excerpt from A Past Love

2009-06-19T20:16:00.003-05:00

Surfing my old notebooks:
[I remember who it was for.]

The way I see us:
You are my breath of fresh air,
and I am taking the time to breathe you in.
I wonder where you've been through this journey/
on this path to finding myself.
Then I close my eyes and I can picture us in the future.
You are one of the many reasons I wake up in the morning and push myself,
loving you on a level that is higher than that of a normal state.
Do you think that anything can surpass the amount of love I have to offer you?
Are you ready?
You are a beautiful person, inside, outside, sideways, backwards, forwards...
The things you tell me, and the way I feel when you say them is different than anyway I've ever felt when told that before.
Your sincerity weakens me and it makes it hard for me to catch my breath, I begin to shake as the chills run down my spine...
When I lay down @ night or should I say early morning after completing a conversation with you,
I stare out into space and I am in limbo.
I find myself spinning and I don't know whether or not I'm coming or going.
I am incomplete, I am lonely and I am lost.
When I finally close my eyes visions of you and I engulf the capacity of my thoughts.
I can feel you touching me, I can hear your voice in my ear...I want to release all my stress and let go of all my inhibitions with you...Do you think you are ready? Can you feel me...can you taste me...am I as sweet as you expected me to be...are you turned on...Is my touch
as soft as you expected it to be? Do I satisfy you on a level that surpasses normal? I can feel you and we fit perfect...
I can feel your fingers exploring me...making me shake uncontrollably...with moans that turn into screams...My moans become
in sync with the music playing in the background of our love-making..."ahh, ohh, ohh"...picture that...As we lie there naked drenched in each other's sweat...
I'll whisper that I love you one more time...and I'll fall asleep in your arms with a smile on my face.
Then we will repeat these actions over and over until we can no longer...
I can see us together in the future...
We are going to set an example for how a relationship should be...You are my best friend as well as my lover...
If nothing else is going right in my life...You are the one thing that is...People come into your life for a reason, hopefully the reason we came into each other's is to teach us what something real felt like...

.Closed My Eyes.

2009-06-14T20:58:00.003-05:00

.this was written a while ago, during a point where I felt like I had no one since i'm back to feeling that way i though i'd post it.

I closed my eyes that night and prayed...and HE answered me, the content of my prayers consisted of a multitude of things but one, the one most humans want is someone to love them. Unconditionally, the real me...the one I'd spend my life with...My better half...The one who shows me off to everyone, whether or not I'm dress-to-kill or if I have no make-up and sweats on. My name is spoken and a smile creeps upon their face. With me they are content and I am happy and I shall never get bored because the adventures on our itinerary sends us on journeys that are endless. Together we climb the mountains in a foreign land, and we watch the sunset on a beach with black sands and they hold my hand and lead the way. If she dragged me to the highest peak I shall follow because she is with me... Trust is never an issue and accusations never rear their ugly heads. Faith shall be our own lie - detector and the truth constantly comes to light. In the game of our lives there is no way we can lose. And if we shall ever part it will be for good reason, and we will leave knowing that we loved each other and it was REAL. She will always be one of my great loves...the one who got me to commit...FINALLY.

Spoken Word Piece # 1

2009-05-25T01:02:00.000-05:00

I throw up on paper//
regurgitating rhyme and reason that will touch you in your heart//
make love to your soul//
tickle your intellect //
question your understanding//
change the way you view things//
I'm not just a poet up here claiming to be a revolutionary//
Because that would deem me hypocritical//
There are still things that I have to change within myself before I try to change the world.
Like, sometimes I hold my tongue when I know I should speak//
I fear large crowds and being too social, so I always settle for being around a circle of friends//
I will not walk up to you and introduce myself//
I don't cook or eat healthy//
I hate water & things with no taste//
I make banana pudding without bananas//
A walking, talking oxymoron//
I still have a lot of learning & growing to do//
All these things and more make me a very average human//
I won't stand up here and claim to be perfect//
I can be a bitch at times and yes, on purpose//
But, I know how to come back down to earth and be the sweetest person//
I'm a gemini, let me elaborate//
A sign that will have me hurting your feelings and apologizing in the same sentence//
One part of me doesn't give a shit//
The other cares too much//
Creative//
Witty//
Inconsistent//
Selfish//
All this wrapped into one//
It's hard to find someone to put up with my ever changing moods//

(A work in progress)

[Outer] Space

2009-05-11T19:03:00.000-05:00

When you are forging your spaceship, can you make room for me? Make it a seat right next to yours so that I may lay my head on your shoulder and pour my soul out to you? //
Just you, me & outer space; in deep exploration of places we've never been before. Taking in sights so beautiful that you wouldn't mind if you went blind afterwards because you have reached the pinnacle of that sense. //
Give me your hand, while we no longer are confined to the chains of gravity; we can truly get high and fly, with no weight on our shoulders; just you, me & outer space. //
I wouldn't get tired of being stuck there with you, because you intrigue me in such a way that I want to learn something new about you everyday and by the time we return to earth I will know you, front to back. All these things happening when we take a break from this world as we know it; just you, me, & outer space. //

Get up on y[our] studies.

2009-04-26T22:06:00.001-05:00

Give it to me hot or [not] at all/ Love me [right] because I can't handle wrong. Give me that, "I can't sleep at night so, I'm gonna call you" type love. Treat me like the one you love to call your [own]. Let me repair your [broke]n heart/ allow me to bear the pain of the [past] relationships gone wrong. Teach me the [ins] and [outs] of you. Show me how to [love] you even if something is telling me not to. Allow me to become an expert in the field of [you]. And as you do the same I [promise] to attempt to stray from all difficulty my personality may entail. Some may see me as a challenge but, my [intimidation] seems to beckon you.

untitled .o2

2009-03-24T13:57:00.001-05:00

Chills, I get chills when I think about the way your body will feel next to mine. Sex me, love me, treat me right. Do my body, mind, and soul the way it should be done. Prove to me that I am the only one you love, I promise you will never want to be alone. I'll feed you emotionally, and quench every thirst that arises. Just let me...love you one day at a time. No, I'm not asking to love you today but, I am asking for us to grow with one another as the days pass and we become older and wiser. I'm not sure if you are ready to conquer the challenge that is me. But, hopefully you are.

i'm [alive]

2009-03-04T15:37:00.004-06:00

I don't quite remember when I heard this but, I remember the words. It went something like this, "Are you living, or are you existing?" I pondered this question for a few months, and now that I have cleared all the bullshit and drama in my life [out], and got back in touch with the person i really am, I can see that I was merely existing. So I made a deal with myself.
2009 = MY YEAR TO START LIVING
No one is about to stop my show or get in the way of the decisions that I want to make! I can breathe, I am alive. I want to stand on the top of my apartment building and scream @ the top of my lungs. Ever had that feeling?

[cap]tured.

2007-12-25T14:39:00.002-06:00

I'm the one you see and wonder [if]too scared to approach me and find [out]. I epitomize the feelings that you [expect] when you press [send message]. I'm the anticipation you feel when you see those shoes on the shelf, then ask for your [size.] I'm the [chase], only to find out that you were captured.
I am the headlin[her]. I am the [16] bars that so pleasantly flow perfectly over the beat your heart makes. Got [too] close [too] quick; now we find eachother stagnat, both [too] afraid to make the next move. So, we choose to watch each[other] from the safe zone. Every woman you [expect]ed to know. But, didn't [expect] to find her here.
The timing [could]n't be more terrible, the location [could]n't be worse. So what do we do when faced with so many [ob]stacles. Run! Turn around, and run as fast as we can, [not] worrying about turning back. But, like some sort of [magnet]ic force I'm sending you another message, anticipating the inbox [1] or the orange light-up on my message box.
Now we're back to square [1]. The possibilities of what this friendship can spark seem to be [end]less. One in fear of being hurt, and the other afraid of doing the [hurt]ing. Nevertheless, there is some sort of [attract]ion between the two that makes it impossible for the strings not to become [attatch]ed.