An Excerpt from A Past Love

Surfing my old notebooks:
[I remember who it was for.]

The way I see us:
You are my breath of fresh air,
and I am taking the time to breathe you in.
I wonder where you've been through this journey/
on this path to finding myself.
Then I close my eyes and I can picture us in the future.
You are one of the many reasons I wake up in the morning and push myself,
loving you on a level that is higher than that of a normal state.
Do you think that anything can surpass the amount of love I have to offer you?
Are you ready?
You are a beautiful person, inside, outside, sideways, backwards, forwards...
The things you tell me, and the way I feel when you say them is different than anyway I've ever felt when told that before.
Your sincerity weakens me and it makes it hard for me to catch my breath, I begin to shake as the chills run down my spine...
When I lay down @ night or should I say early morning after completing a conversation with you,
I stare out into space and I am in limbo.
I find myself spinning and I don't know whether or not I'm coming or going.
I am incomplete, I am lonely and I am lost.
When I finally close my eyes visions of you and I engulf the capacity of my thoughts.
I can feel you touching me, I can hear your voice in my ear...I want to release all my stress and let go of all my inhibitions with you...Do you think you are ready? Can you feel me...can you taste me...am I as sweet as you expected me to be...are you turned on...Is my touch
as soft as you expected it to be? Do I satisfy you on a level that surpasses normal? I can feel you and we fit perfect...
I can feel your fingers exploring me...making me shake uncontrollably...with moans that turn into screams...My moans become
in sync with the music playing in the background of our love-making..."ahh, ohh, ohh"...picture that...As we lie there naked drenched in each other's sweat...
I'll whisper that I love you one more time...and I'll fall asleep in your arms with a smile on my face.
Then we will repeat these actions over and over until we can no longer...
I can see us together in the future...
We are going to set an example for how a relationship should be...You are my best friend as well as my lover...
If nothing else is going right in my life...You are the one thing that is...People come into your life for a reason, hopefully the reason we came into each other's is to teach us what something real felt like...

.Closed My Eyes.

.this was written a while ago, during a point where I felt like I had no one since i'm back to feeling that way i though i'd post it.


I closed my eyes that night and prayed...and HE answered me, the content of my prayers consisted of a multitude of things but one, the one most humans want is someone to love them. Unconditionally, the real me...the one I'd spend my life with...My better half...The one who shows me off to everyone, whether or not I'm dress-to-kill or if I have no make-up and sweats on. My name is spoken and a smile creeps upon their face. With me they are content and I am happy and I shall never get bored because the adventures on our itinerary sends us on journeys that are endless. Together we climb the mountains in a foreign land, and we watch the sunset on a beach with black sands and they hold my hand and lead the way. If she dragged me to the highest peak I shall follow because she is with me... Trust is never an issue and accusations never rear their ugly heads. Faith shall be our own lie - detector and the truth constantly comes to light. In the game of our lives there is no way we can lose. And if we shall ever part it will be for good reason, and we will leave knowing that we loved each other and it was REAL. She will always be one of my great loves...the one who got me to commit...FINALLY.

Spoken Word Piece # 1

I throw up on paper//
regurgitating rhyme and reason that will touch you in your heart//
make love to your soul//
tickle your intellect //
question your understanding//
change the way you view things//
I'm not just a poet up here claiming to be a revolutionary//
Because that would deem me hypocritical//
There are still things that I have to change within myself before I try to change the world.
Like, sometimes I hold my tongue when I know I should speak//
I fear large crowds and being too social, so I always settle for being around a circle of friends//
I will not walk up to you and introduce myself//
I don't cook or eat healthy//
I hate water & things with no taste//
I make banana pudding without bananas//
A walking, talking oxymoron//
I still have a lot of learning & growing to do//
All these things and more make me a very average human//
I won't stand up here and claim to be perfect//
I can be a bitch at times and yes, on purpose//
But, I know how to come back down to earth and be the sweetest person//
I'm a gemini, let me elaborate//
A sign that will have me hurting your feelings and apologizing in the same sentence//
One part of me doesn't give a shit//
The other cares too much//
Creative//
Witty//
Inconsistent//
Selfish//
All this wrapped into one//
It's hard to find someone to put up with my ever changing moods//

(A work in progress)

[Outer] Space

When you are forging your spaceship, can you make room for me? Make it a seat right next to yours so that I may lay my head on your shoulder and pour my soul out to you? //
Just you, me & outer space; in deep exploration of places we've never been before. Taking in sights so beautiful that you wouldn't mind if you went blind afterwards because you have reached the pinnacle of that sense. //
Give me your hand, while we no longer are confined to the chains of gravity; we can truly get high and fly, with no weight on our shoulders; just you, me & outer space. //
I wouldn't get tired of being stuck there with you, because you intrigue me in such a way that I want to learn something new about you everyday and by the time we return to earth I will know you, front to back. All these things happening when we take a break from this world as we know it; just you, me, & outer space. //

Get up on y[our] studies.

Give it to me hot or [not] at all/ Love me [right] because I can't handle wrong. Give me that, "I can't sleep at night so, I'm gonna call you" type love. Treat me like the one you love to call your [own]. Let me repair your [broke]n heart/ allow me to bear the pain of the [past] relationships gone wrong. Teach me the [ins] and [outs] of you. Show me how to [love] you even if something is telling me not to. Allow me to become an expert in the field of [you]. And as you do the same I [promise] to attempt to stray from all difficulty my personality may entail. Some may see me as a challenge but, my [intimidation] seems to beckon you.

untitled .o2

Chills, I get chills when I think about the way your body will feel next to mine. Sex me, love me, treat me right. Do my body, mind, and soul the way it should be done. Prove to me that I am the only one you love, I promise you will never want to be alone. I'll feed you emotionally, and quench every thirst that arises. Just let me...love you one day at a time. No, I'm not asking to love you today but, I am asking for us to grow with one another as the days pass and we become older and wiser. I'm not sure if you are ready to conquer the challenge that is me. But, hopefully you are.

i'm [alive]

I don't quite remember when I heard this but, I remember the words. It went something like this, "Are you living, or are you existing?" I pondered this question for a few months, and now that I have cleared all the bullshit and drama in my life [out], and got back in touch with the person i really am, I can see that I was merely existing. So I made a deal with myself.
2009 = MY YEAR TO START LIVING
No one is about to stop my show or get in the way of the decisions that I want to make! I can breathe, I am alive. I want to stand on the top of my apartment building and scream @ the top of my lungs. Ever had that feeling?